…known simply as “Father Bob”
Life as a Catholic involves many complex issues and debates. From transubstantiation to the Immaculate Conception to purgatory, these issues have been discussed and debated by great minds and saints for centuries.
But life as a Catholic is not simply made up of such theological topics. We also live in real-world parishes with real-world issues. These might not be as weighty, but they make up the fabric of Catholic life nonetheless. Certain issues arise that must be addressed: Do we like the music? Is the church building properly designed? Is the youth minister any good? Are there enough chocolate donuts supplied after Mass? These and other such questions are at the forefront of living as a Catholic today.
This leads me to a pressing issue that has always vexed me:
When a new priest is assigned to our parish, do we call him by his first name or last name? Is he “Fr. Bob” or “Fr. Smith”?
There seems to be a certain stereotype associated with both ways. For example, I have noticed that whenever a secular news outlet reports on a local priest’s death, they will usually include the line, “…known simply as ‘Father Bob’…” to represent that this priest was beloved by his parish. This (overused) line is shorthand for “this priest was not one of those rigid authoritarian priests, but instead just one of the guys.” Use of the first name supposedly makes the priest more approachable and more “down to earth,” whereas calling a priest by a last name conveys more authority to the cleric (which is bad in the eyes of most people in the secular media).
In my own experience this stereotype has some basis in truth, as many of the priests I know who want to be called by their last name are more likely to exercise their priestly authority in the parish. (Note that, unlike the secular media, I think this is a good thing). I have also noticed that it seems that it is was more common to call priests by their first name a decade ago than it is today. The majority still seem to go by their first name, but more and more priests – especially pastors – prefer to be called by their last name. Personally, I prefer to use a priest’s last name, as I think his position demands a certain level of respect. Every culture conveys a message with the titles they give to a person or office, and the priesthood is no different. I would not call the commander-in-chief “President Barack”, nor do I let my children call adults by their first name. Using a formal title represents that the person or office deserves respect.
Now I admit there are exceptions when it comes to priestly titles. For example, in the Franciscan tradition, it is most common for priests and brothers to just go by their first name. I respect this and keep to this practice with all the Franciscans I know. But when it comes to diocesan priests, I usually try to use a priest’s last name when referring to him. His office deserves respect (more respect than any office on earth, in fact), and this is a small way I am able to show that respect in my life.
In today’s world we tend to try to minimize most authority figures. This has led to fewer and fewer people being called by anything other than their first name. Even the CEOs of major companies are just called by their first name by their employees. But I always get a kick out of old movies when everyone calls each other by their last name, “Hello, Mr. Jones, how are you?” “I’m fine, Mr. Franklin. Great weather we are having, isn’t it?” Such a way of addressing each other seems foreign today, but it does convey an important social message about respect. Perhaps it is time we apply that to the titles we use for one of the most important jobs in the world: the holy priesthood.
Interesting issue, Eric. I personally am OK either way as long as the “Father” is in there. I met a Jesuit recently who introduced himself to me as “Paul.” It took me some time to figure out, was this a priest? Was he embarrassed to say so? Our parish priest is called Fr Cliff, I’m not sure people even know how to pronounce his last name. But his authority is not in doubt.
I rarely hear of a diocesan priest addressed by his first name. When I have heard this it was often because the priest’s last name was almost impossible to pronounce. I would have to agree with Kathy that what is important is using the title “Father.”
Opus Dei priests always go by “Fr. First Name.” And they aren’t exactly the most liberal out there, so I don’t think the division holds.
I was having this same discussion with my husband–me a convert, he a cradle Catholic. In our previous parish, we figured out who went by first or last name by listening to the cantor announce who was celebrating Mass (we had 5 priests). Most, including both pastors, were Fr. First Name, and the only one to use his last name was a retired chaplain. At our new parish…I have no idea. I always address priests as Fr. Last Name until told otherwise–and I’d feel strange using a first name if we had no personal relationship (say, though working on a committee or project).
Opus Dei priests always go by “Fr. First Name.”- Really? I am a member of Opus Dei and have never addressed or heard anyone address any of our priests as Fr. First Name. I never even knew the first name of the first Opus Dei priest I met until last year, and I have known him for close to 13 years! The others, well I know their first names, but would never use them, only Fr. Last Name.
Perhaps it’s different where you live.
I very rarely address any priest by Fr. First Name – only my brother, and then without the Father!
I think you bring up a good point. Maybe it has something to do with age. I know when I was a kid any adult was Mr./Mrs./Fr./Br./Sr. LastName. I would sooner run out in traffic than let my mother hear me call and adult by their first name even if I did preface it with “Fr.”. Of course, the roles were more defined then (or at least we were in that generational in-between time when our parents hadn’t figured out that the rules were changing).
Now it’s hard to know how to address ANYONE. Is your daughter’s friend Mrs., Miss, Ms. or what? If you know her parents, and if her parents are married and if her mother has taken her dad’s last name, and if all those things are true today, who knows if they’ll be true tomorrow or next week or next year. Maybe that ambiguity has found its way into how we address our clergy as well. Of course while my children would sooner run out in traffic than call you “Eric” or “Mr. Eric”, I admit that the majority of priests they know are “Fr. Jim”, “Fr. Bill”, “Fr. Francis” etc. and I’m alright with it.
Of course, our actions speak louder than words, so how we speak ABOUT our priests (even “bad” ones) is every bit as important as how we speak TO them. In our house, we NEVER criticize a priest. Even if the actions of certain priests are not worthy of the office they hold, even if we find ourselves taking issue with their behavior/teaching/policy; we still revere their office and pray for their ministry as priests. We try to remember that even a “bad” priest once answered a call he believed to be the Lord’s will for him and THAT is the first best example and definitely worthy of emulating. I have often said if we want to encourage more vocations to the priesthood, appreciate and care for the ones we already have, whether he be Fr. Bob or Fr. Smith.
I work with one priest, ordained more than 20 years, who would just fire me if I introduced him or addressed him as “Fr. Nickname.” He just hates it.
We have a newly ordained, and very conservative, priest who introduces himself as “Fr. First Name.” And identifies himself to the staff with his own name minus the “Father.” (The only panic that caused is that we knew not to address him that way in public, but what did he want to be called publicly? I finally had the sense to just ask him.)
I think it is a lot less about church politics and more about personal preference. I prefer adults to call me by my first name. The kids call me by my last, most of the time.
I don’t ask the kids to do this, and when they call me by my first name, that is fine with me. Again, personal preference.
I prefer using Fr Last Name but in my diocese it is always
Fr. First Name. I just changed my name so I have a new
first name. Because we are a Fr First Name kind of diocese
when people hear the Fr and my new name even WITH my last name
they assume I am “the new priest” It doesn’t matter since
I have no trouble keeping track of who I am
One other thing: in the Eastern tradition, priests are always called by their first name.
@Joan– I think with priests of Opus Dei, it must vary by country or something. In the US, anyway, I’ve never met a priest who didn’t go by Fr. Firstname.
Can we get to the issue of real importance that you touched on in your post? Chocolate donuts are vital, yes, but why so many powdered? It never fails that on the day you wear your lovely black dry-clean only dress, your toddler chooses the powdered variety, insists on you holding her, and showers you with greasy powdered sugar. Call me prejudiced, but I advocate chocolate-only donut socials.
May offer a clarification for the use of the first name for religious priests? It is common for religious to change their names when they take vows–much like the pope takes a new name. For many religious this new name invokes their new life as consecrated individuals and, thus, is their new identity. For this reason, it is not appropriate to use the last name. Also, historically, the use of the new religious name predates the invention of last names, which is rather late in our Western history.
The important point is that for religious priests the use of the first name is not to be a regular guy, or to be more informal. Rather, it is expressing his belonging to a community and to his vows as a consecrated religious.
This is interesting. I am called, “Fr. John” because that’s what is expected in these parts. However, children may have a problem with calling me “Father Abberton” because it sounds like “Father-Rabberton”. Actually I also prefer being called by my second name which means that, in practice, there is no need to add to the word “Father”, and when I go to my next parish (if I live that long!) I will simply say, “Just call me Father – it’s the best title of all, and it sounds fine on its own” And why not? Am I here to promote my personaility or to remind the people that God has sent someone to serve them – someone who comes in The Father’s name, not his own?
Interesting. Hadn’t thought much about it until reading this post. But I do use Father first name of priests I have known since I was a young adult and those I knew personally before they became priests. On the other hand, priests I have come to know in more recent years I have called by Father last name. Hmmm…