Imagine a world in which Matthew was writing his Gospel as a blog:
Hey, everyone, sorry about not posting for the past week – things have been CRAZY lately! I know I promised to post some tips on how to save on your taxes, but so much has happened in the past week that I really need to tell you about!
You remember last week when I was excited about Jesus being gloriously welcomed into Jerusalem? I mentioned then that I thought for sure our leaders would back him now, and the Messianic Age would kick off. Well, things didn’t go quite as I thought they would (sometimes I guess it would be best to reflect a little more before blogging!). As you have probably all heard by now, just a few days after his entry into Jerusalem, Jesus was arrested by the Jewish guard and handed over to the Roman authorities.
I know that there have been rumors that one of us apostles turned him in, and I’m sad to confirm that Jesus was indeed betrayed by Judas Iscariot (who always seemed a bit shifty, if you ask me). After a show trial, the Romans had Jesus crucified. I was unable to be there in person for the crucifixion (I had some other things I had to do at the time), but those who were there tell me that it was very tragic. I’ll be honest, I was crushed by his death. I thought for sure that Jesus was the Christ we were all waiting for (click here for some of my proofs for his Messianic credentials).
But then we heard a strange story from Mary Magdalene. I know some of my readers in the past have questioned her association with us, but Jesus trusted her completely. Anyway, she claims that she has seen the Lord! That’s right, she claims that he is not really dead, but is risen! I don’t know what to think, but all of his closest followers are supposed to go up to Galilee, where he says he will appear to us.
Crossing my fingers….
Update: Fellow blogger John has written that he and Peter went to the tomb and it was empty! The burial clothes were there, but no body!
Zedekiah: I can’t believe you actually believe Mary Magdalene. She obviously is delusional (just look at her history) and you are a sap to take her seriously.
Abinadab: Good point Zedekiah. But what I can’t believe is that anyone would take a former tax-collector seriously. What a joke.
Luke: Great post! I’m going to link to you on my own blog!
Azel: This is ridiculous – no one takes this Jesus of Nazareth seriously; I mean, really, from Nazareth? Everyone knows that the Messiah will come from Bethlehem. You guys are all tools.
Hazael: This is clearly a hoax. I notice how you were conveniently not at his crucifixion, and how the only witness you have for his “resurrection” is a woman with a questionable history. I’ll take you seriously when you show a little more proof.
Ahaziah: I don’t really care about this Jesus fellow; what really matters is that we overthrow the oppressive Roman rulers. Everyone should know better than to listen to a guy who used to work for the Romans. Shame on you.
Saul of Tarsus: Jesus is a heretic and anyone who follows him has left the true Faith of God Almighty. Mark my words, there will be consequences for these actions…