The most important word in the spiritual life
Every follower of Christ wants to draw closer to their Lord throughout their lifetime. And our Lord in his great mercy has given us many means to do so: the sacraments, prayer, works of service, etc. These all help us to become more like Christ and thus draw closer to him. But I would argue that there is another aspect of growth in the spiritual life that is just as important, and it all revolves around one word.
That word is “no”.
Christ told his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24, emphasis added). If you wish to come after Christ, then you must deny yourself – you must say “no” to your passions and your own desires and instead follow the path that Christ lays out before you. At baptism we are cleansed of the stain of original sin, but the effects of original sin still remain in us. We are a fallen race and that means we are a selfish race. Our desires are disordered and are not in conformity with God’s desires. Thus, we must say “no” to our own desires throughout our lives. These “no’s” can be to major sins:
- “No” to murder
- “No” to adultery
- “No” to stealing
- “No” to pornography
But we also must get in the habit of saying “no” to our little desires as well:
- “No” to the extra helping at dinner
- “No” to taking the most comfortable seat in the room
- “No” to giving our own opinion in every conversation
- “No” to watching TV every night
- “No” to wasting time on the Internet
- “No” to sleeping in
For most of us, it is the little “no’s” that are most important, as we are not directly tempted to the major sins. But giving in to the little “no’s” can lead to a selfish lifestyle, which is contrary to the Gospel (and can weaken our resolve against the major sins). Refusing to say no to our little desires on a regular basis leads to greater attachment to the things of this world, which weakens our attachment to our Lord.
In the spiritual classic “The Way”, St. Josemaría Escrivá writes simply, “Get used to saying No” (Point 5). This is advice we all should follow if we wish to grow in the spiritual life.
The holy Fathers’ counsel is to begin with small things, for, says Ephraim the Syrian, how can you put out a great fire before you have learned to quench a small one? If you wish to set yourself free from a great suffering, crush the small desires, say the holy Fathers. Do not suppose that the one can be separated from the others: they all hang together like a long chain or a net….
both from Way of the Ascetics – Tito Colliander
http://www.svspress.com/product_info.php?products_id=280
unfortunately the online version seems to have been taken down.
…The explanation is to be found precisely in our unwillingness to persecute ourselves. We overcome after a fashion, perhaps, our serious and dangerous vices, but there it stops. The small desires we freely let grow as they will. We neither embezzle nor steal, but delight in gossiping; we do not “drink,” but consume immoderate quantities of tea and coffee instead. The heart remains quite as full of appetites: the roots are not pulled out and we wander around in the tanglewoods that have sprung up in the soil of our self-pity.
The Way of the Ascetics by Colliander is one of my all-time favorite books. I try to read it every Lent.
I wouldn’t consider “No” to be the most important word in the spiritual life. If anything, “Yes!” is just as central–a “Yes” to goodness, a “Yes” to beauty, and a “Yes” to truth.
Ultimately, Jesus provides a “Yes” to life: “I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full!”
Yet, as you right point out, “no” is more often neglected in our hedonist society. Instead of emphasizing one or the other, however, they should both be held central–just like the Two Great Commandments.
I believe the more accurate statement would be:
The two greatest words in the spiritual life are “Yes” and “No”.
A valid point, Brandon.
Perhaps a better way to say what I was thinking is “The most neglected word in the spiritual life today is ‘no’.”
Sometimes “No” is the wrong response to a situation. Like Ann Rice
saying no to Christianity and Christians. There is a good article about this at:
http://www.christianity.com/Home/Christian Living Features/11636093
Eric, two days in a row you tweak me.