The three credits of love
The central command of the Christian Faith, from which all else revolves, is to love. In fact, Christianity makes the bold statement that “God is Love” (1 John 4:16). If we want to be like God, we must love. Yet, what does it mean to love another person?
A critical aspect of love is how we view our beloved, such as a spouse, our children, or our close friends. Dietrich von Hildebrand said that when we truly love someone, we give them three “credits:”
Faith
When we love someone, we firmly believe in the beauty of that person, even in areas we have not yet discovered. We do not take a critical point of view towards the beloved, but instead believe that they are beautiful in many and various ways. We are convinced that the more we know about the person, the more we will love them.
Hope
Whenever one deals with another person, there are events and actions that are open to interpretation. When we love someone, we always assume the highest interpretation, assuming the best, until we have definitive proof that our interpretation is false. We never assume the worst about those we love.
Solidarity
Of course, every person has faults, including those we love. When we discover these faults in a beloved, we mourn and grieve over them, because we feel that they betray the true beauty of that person. We continue to affirm that it is good that our beloved exists, and we desire nothing more than that they overcome their faults.
Anyone who has loved another person can easily see how they have applied these three credits to their beloved. Who assumes the worst about their spouse, or believes that their child is not beautiful, or doesn’t grieve over a close friend’s faults?
But Christ does not just ask us to love our beloved, he commands that we “love our enemies” (Matthew 5:44). In other words, we must apply those three “credits” to our enemies. We must believe in the intrinsic beauty of our enemies, assume the highest interpretations of their actions, and grieve over any faults they may have. We do this for our spouses, our children, and our friends. Do we do it for our enemies?
First, Eric, I’m glad you’re back to blogging! I missed reading your posts. Second, this post is a good reminder. My parents, especially my father, and my teachers insisted upon using the highest interpretation of another’s actions. That is, assuming the best of the other. We seem to have lost that approach to others in today’s world. It would be good to reclaim that attitude.
So, if you are aware a person did something seriously wrong, just what is the “highest interpretation of their actions” ??
Twas a long week, Eric. So glad you’re back from Ohio or wherever.
Kathy,
Think about what you would do if someone you truly loved did something you knew to be seriously wrong. First, you would assume that it was done with good intentions or out of ignorance. If you found that was not true, then you would assume that they were poorly formed or some other reason led them to this point. None of this would excuse their actions, nor would it keep you from grieving over those actions, but it would allow you to see their actions in a more loving light and place their well-being over any other consideration.
Excellent post. Thank you.
Dietrich von Hildebrand’s “Faith, Hope, Solidarity” seem to focus on our feelings; what we believe about them, what we asusme and how we interepret their actions.
As Catholics, we know that Christ commands us to act, rather than just to feel and it is that practical application of the command to love that really matters.
Sometimes walking away and letting a person hit rock bottom is the most loving response for a family member while being kind and trying to befriend someone who is trying to harm us in some way is the most loving response.
I’d join an Evangelical Church if it were as easy as how we feel.
-Tim-
I’ve been reading a bit into Von Hildebrand and find his work incredibly interesting. I understand this is not exactly what your article is addressing in VH’s exploration of love, but what I find most intriguing about his work is that he approaches it fundamentally as a value response. We love because we recognize the inherent value God placed in each of us. We love our spouse to a fuller extent because we have a fuller understanding of the individual value and dignity God had placed in the beloved. By learning the extent of how much we can love with our spouse, it makes it easier to recognize the inherent value, and thus love our neighbors and even our enemies.
It is all very interesting.
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Pingback by Of blogs and bishops « Divine Life – A Blog by Eric Sammons — October 26, 2010 @ 8:50 amIt’s good to read your website again; I see some interesting updates here.