Baseball fans throughout the Roman Empire are excited about this year’s hot team, the Jerusalem Apostles. After a slow start, the Apostles have caught fire and are dominating the league. Here is tonight’s starting lineup:

1: John Zebedee, centerfield
Clearly the fastest man on the team (he once smoked Simon Peter in a foot race), young John has put up some impressive numbers this year in the leadoff spot. And his amazing eyesight (earning him the nickname, “Eagle Eyes”) has helped him in the field as well, as it seems that he catches everything hit his way.

2:Matthew, right field
Another speedster, Matthew has a gun for an arm, which serves him well in right field. Usually overshadowed by the flashier John, Matthew still produces respectable numbers.

3: Thomas, left field
Probably the most underrated player on the team, he still is trying to live down the infamous scene in the ’33 Series when he questioned his manager’s presence in the clubhouse. But he has always been a strong hitter and proclaims that he would “die” for his team.

4: Simon Peter, 1st base
Team captain Simon Peter has been plagued with inconsistency throughout his career, but management has stuck with him throughout. Although he has a high number of strikeouts, it seems that whenever Peter puts his bat on the ball, it leaves the ballpark for a round-tripper, making him the clear choice for the cleanup role.

5: Andrew, 3rd base
Andrew, brother of Simon Peter, excels at bringing people to home. An RBI machine, he loves to be in the background and allow others, especially his brother, to shine.

6: Philip, 2nd base
Not very well-known outside of a base of hard-core fans, Philip year after year puts up solid, if unspectacular, numbers. Little known fact: Philip actually recruited Nathaniel to play for the Apostles, extolling Jerusalem’s famous manager.

7: Nathaniel, shortstop
Another little-known player, Nathaniel can be counted on to play the game fair. During the sad Steroid Era, no one suspected this player of any shenanigans.

8: Simon the Zealot, catcher
No one, I mean no one, plays with the intensity of Simon. There is fear in the eyes of opposing players when they round third base for a close play at home, and Simon zealously protects the plate like no other catcher. At least three players have gone on the DL after a run-in with Simon.

9: James Zebedee, pitcher
James has been the bulwark of the staff this year. His only weakness is that sometimes he enjoys the limelight too much. He also has a tendency to be sent to the showers early in games.

Bullpen:
Long relief: James Alphaeus, Jude Thaddaeus and Matthias
These guys toil in anonymity, but no team is complete without players like this who are willing to do the grunt work necessary to make a team successful. People are still talking about the game that Jude entered in the 3rd inning down ten runs. Everyone thought it was a lost cause, but behind his strong pitching, the Apostles were able to climb back into it and win in extra innings.

Closer: Paul of Tarsus
A newcomer to the team (replacing the ill-fated Judas Iscariot, who gave up the winning runs in last year’s Series), Paul has been sensational in the closer role. He seems made for building on the foundation of others, and he is a remarkable 33 for 33 in save opportunities this year. There have been reports of friction between Paul and team captain Simon Peter, but both deny it is anything substantial.

Many observers felt that last year’s crushing Series defeat would hang over the Apostles’ heads, but their manager has managed to turn that defeat into the driving force for this year’s success. Combined with the announcement of their manager’s retirement at the end of this year, the Apostles’ inspired play in the first half of the season has resurrected dreams of a championship. But they have a small window in which to work: rumors abound that small-market Jerusalem won’t be able to hang onto all their players hitting the free agent market this winter. There is already talk that superstars Simon Peter and Paul are being wooed by the big-market Rome Imperials to play for them next year. But for now, it seems to be Jerusalem’s year.

Go Apostles!