You might have a big family if…
One of the distinct features of many practicing Catholic families is its size. In my Catholic homeschool group, our family – with five children – hovers around the median in regards to family size. But how do you know if you have a “big family?” Here is a guide to help you:
You might have a big family if…
1) You don’t park your van, you dock it.
2) When you go out for a family walk in the neighborhood, you need a traffic cop.
3) Even your parents ask you “are they all yours?”
4) The army asks for your advice about logistics regarding food distribution.
5) You have been asked hundreds of times, “don’t you know how they are made?”
6) There is nothing “mini” about your van.
7) You are constantly asked the name of the day care you run when you go out.
8) You don’t have a shoe rack in your house, but instead a shoe room.
9) You have to reserve the party room whenever you go to a restaurant.
10) You have grandchildren older than some of your own children.
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The 15 passenger van we have for our 9 (soon to be 10) children is red. It has therefore 2 names. When it is out among the general public, she is called “the scarlet letter” since it seem there are few thing that garner the same level of social disapporval as the decision to have so many children, but when parked at the church, she is called “the red badge of courage”
I have no kids, but a friend with many. When asked, “Don’t you know what causes this?” she answers, wickedly, “Yes, and we’re really GOOD at it!”
On the other hand, particularly on Mother’s Day, I wish there was a day for Catholic Women Who Have Never Been Married, Have No Children, and Aren’t Nuns!
Our friends with 5 young children (so far) are asked the usual rather rude questions and also “Did you plan this? Their answer is “Yes, we got married!”
I would argue that the correct identification is not “practicing” Catholics, but “faithful” Catholics. It is an intrinsic responsibility of marriage and conjugal love to transmit human life and, therefore, only for just, unselfish reasons that are in accord with objective criteria for morality can a Catholic couple choose to regulate procreation. However, with this in mind, it is never moral to deliberately choose to permanently close a marriage to new life. Had St. Catherine’s parents chosen to stop at 10 children, the Pope would still be in France. Had they even stopped at 20 children he would also still be in France (she was 24 out of 25).
When they ask, “Don’t you know how they are made?” you can answer with a broad smile, “Oh! Do I ever!”
“Don’t you know how they are made?”
“Why, yes!” Raising eyebrows and speaking sympathetically, “You don’t?”
“Someday you’ll thank us. We’re saving social security.”
A big thank you to all the big families.
Christianss who use contraception are part of the culture of casual sex which embraces abortion when contraception doesn’t work, isn’t available or is just plain ignored. As Christians, especially Catholics who are supposed to know better, we need to understand that contraception and abortion are morally, theologically and biblically equivalent.
Your refusal to use contraception is one of the primary weapons against abortion. Thank you all again.
-Tim-
I am still giggling over the shoe room.
And yeah, I’m the proud owner of a Mastadon-van.
[...] May 18, 2010 Posted by tantamergo in General Catholic, awesomeness. trackback Funny! Eric Sammons penned these funnies concerning what used to be very common, large Catholic families [with my comments]: You might have [...]
Pingback by You might have a big family if: « A Blog for Dallas Area Catholics — May 18, 2010 @ 6:07 pmWhen I am asked why we have so many I like to reply……”have you seen my husband”? Then I smile and walk away.
“Don’t you know how they are made?”
Answer: clearly we do, and clearly we enjoy it.
My wife refuses to use this answer to the rude questions, but I have: “Don’t interfere with my reproductive rights!”
If you like classical music like this, you HAVE to watch Josh Wright play La Campanella on two grand pianos!